10. E-mail conversation between Haladhara das and Paramadvaiti Maharaja

After the "Open Letter to Paramadvaiti Swami" was published, the following E-mail conversation between Haladhara das and Paramadvaiti Maharaja took place. Notably, Paramadvaiti Maharaja refers Haladhara to Kalki Avatara, to clear up his questions. Kalki Avatara is Paramadvaiti Maharajas secretary in Miami. He was one of the main architects of the Conspiracy theory, which asserted that “envious” Narayan Maharaja disciples used Radha kunda to defame the Acharya of Vrinda (see verdadvrinda.blogspot.com - Spanish page). This is not the only time, Paramadvaiti Maharaja refers devotees to Kalki Avatara or Pancha tattva (the disciple, who manages all E-mail communication for Paramadvaiti Maharaja) to clear up their doubts. A growing number of devotees (many in leading positions) grew frustrated over the unhealthy influence these two personalities have over Paramadvaiti Maharaja.

Paramadvaiti Maharaja

I suggest you, dear Haladhar, to talk with Kalki avatar personally to bring you up to date on the state of affairs.+1 305 xxxxxxx
Talk to him about what's bothering you.
Because you should also know the details from there.

Haladhara das

I won't talk to Kalki because the letter from your former disciple wasn't about him. She asks you to act and make your position clear. Only you are the person concerned.

Paramadvaiti Maharaja

I would like you to hear from first source what has happened there. kalki has personally had exchanges with all due involved. Also with Radha kunda
I am and know that it is full of mistakes
You're a real friend because you say your opinion
...
If you make a mistake that is then exploited without limits, it is rather private how you proceed.
Radha Kund never wrote that letter herself. There were others and she said it herself (recorded). There are things to know.

I am anyway already very destroyed concerning everything. Oddly enough, many "force" me to continue serving and they are all well informed, like Gopananda Bon Maharaj, Bisnu Maharaj, Bodayan Maharaj.

You know my dear, this was a bad slip at a treatment where I lay in bed and several were present except for a brief moment and a devotee stood in front of the glass door.
Nevertheless I immediately apologised for anything unpleasant that she had experienced.
……
In this way sectarianism and rivalries increase (referring to the “conspiracy”) . Then there are suddenly those "rescued" and those who are lost because of "their own fault". Clique formation, double games, intrigues and power struggles are the consequences. “In its worst manifestations, abuse of power leads to cultic paranoia, which can become generally dangerous." (Jack Kornfield: Washing clothes and peeling potatoes after enlightenment).

Radha Kunda lives lives with her fiancé in Narayan Maharaj temple of lima.
That fiancé is a member of the Hunt campaign (against me), which is why I don't respond to it publicly, but that (conspiracy against me) is very well documented.

I hope you don't see that any hate or methods threatening others is coming from me in order to protect me. Of course every mistake in this ashram looks like it is the worst.
I also have desires in this conditioned head, but have never had any sexual contacts, thanks to Krishna, to me and to you.

I definitely wish you the best in your life and often think of all of you.
According to my leaders, I should simply continue to preach and tolerate everything what comes. And of course pray. That has given my mantra chanting a great boost.
Forgive me if I often made you unhappy. There will always be new lights in life. Also love greetings to all family members.

Haladhara das

You write “I would like you to hear from first source what has happened there. kalki has personally had exchanges with all due involved. Also with Radha kunda”

I think you're the primary source of everything that's happened. If you already apologized immediately, I don't understand why you're telling me that you can't remember what happened. It's terrible for me to see that Kalki Avatar (Paramadvaiti Maharajas secretary in Miami), who has ….., is now being pushed forward by you like a lawyer. What do you think is his motivation for you to do this dirty work. Why don't you talk to all the people involved yourself? It is about you.
I'm sure it's very hard for you to be thrown back to your reality, but that's the best and only way to heal.

For far too long you have lost yourself in the trap of the personality cult. You lived like a king. What is this tremendous worship for? In order to pass on something you have learned (by heart), is that what you are entitled to? Mahaprabhu has warned you Sannyasis not to mix with the kings. Is this really about the king of the land? It's about the king in your own name and not only you missed that. But at some point a child comes and says it out loud: The emperor is naked. It can be the beginning of liberation and self-knowledge, if one recognizes God's work in it.

You write “Oddly enough, many "force" me to continue serving and they are all well informed, like Gopananda Bon Maharaj, Bisnu Maharaj, Bodayan Maharaj”

Those who advise you to "continue to serve" are not your friends from my point of view. Why do you listen to them? They do exactly what I wrote you in Kate Manne's quote. Oppress, sit out, hide. And what exactly should this "continue" be? Who really needs it?

"The purest form of madness is to leave everything as it was and hope at the same time that something will change. (Albert Einstein)

But from my point of view you have been keeping true friends away from you or even driving them away for a long time. And what do you want to "preach" about? Do you feel that this is what Krishna wants from you?

You write “Of course every mistake in this ashram looks like it is the worst.
I also have desires in this conditioned head, but have never had any sexual contacts, thanks to Krishna, to me and to you.”

It makes me very sad and also angry when I read that you think the mistakes of this ashram are the worst. Rubbish. It is the very consequence of putting this ashram above one's own humanity and other people. With this you have created a caste system of self-alienation that has been collapsing for a long time. As long as you reject yourself as you are, you will always fight against your desires and human emotions. From my point of view these are the result of a deep misunderstanding and the blind, uncritical following. But your desires and inclinations are natural. But your own trauma of sexuality, enveloped by the medieval system of India and the hope of having overcome all this by changing clothes, makes natural desires appear like dirt and sin. For centuries the church has underpinned its power apparatus with this. It is the division of mind and body. This creates duality.

You write “I hope you don't see that any hate or methods threatening others is coming from me in order to protect me.”

A great source of danger in spiritual communities is the abuse of power. It almost always occurs when a teacher or master holds all the responsibility for the community in his hands. If the Master's views supersede everything, if the disciples read every wish from his lips, if critical questions are excluded from the Teacher and he does not receive objective feedback, it can happen in no time at all that the Teacher controls the lives of his disciples believing it is for their best. Wisdom is then transformed into unconscious exercise of power.

It is hardly better to formulate it. Hence my open letter, because this is exactly what is happening and has been building up for years despite the warnings, and this is why I am withdrawing.

You have (just one of many examples) this year ordered the painting of the main house without obtaining the permits and permission of the owner or talking to those who bear the real responsibility.

The painter would have started long ago if I hadn't stopped it. Now Premkishor realises how many serious problems we would have had because he talks to the building authorities and was unable to assess the complex situation at all. In Hungary, you ignored Ambarish's intervention and claimed that the Berliners didn't get the painting right. I heard it from several witnesses. Arjuna also stood right next to you when you said that. Who do you think has to bear the legal consequences of an unauthorized house wall design? A security obligation that has not been met if something falls off the scaffold or pallet truck and someone is injured? The person responsible will always be the chairman of the association and I am no longer willing to risk my quality of life for your solo efforts. This also has nothing to do with "we are a family" anymore.

I hope and wish and pray that you will stop hiding behind a conspiracy, because new women are already speaking timidly. It's a real me-too debate. I think you need help. Therapeutic help. Not homemade, but professional help.

What do you think Krishna wants from you in this situation?

I am very happy that you have found joy in chanting again.

And yet every day that the madness lasts without you taking a public stand is one day too long.
Haladhara d.